mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
