She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
