well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the liver wants what the liver wants
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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