If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize