well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
