Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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