youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
