whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
