the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
