Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love having hate sex.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
