i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We don't watch enough power rangers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
