Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
