People in love make me want to vomit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
