well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
