just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
