you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
