How'd it feel making her break her religion?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
