By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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