So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
