Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
