he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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