There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
