a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My ass is underappreciated
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
