never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Less talking, more tequila
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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