There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
