i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
