I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
