He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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