and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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