the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
