End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
