my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
