someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
