i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
