No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
