it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
