Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
