Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
