She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
