dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
