Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
