so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
