Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
