i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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