Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
