Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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