OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
