and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
