I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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