"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
