her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
