Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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