why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He passed out mid-signature
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
